Adult Non-Veg Jokes
Pati : Suhagraat Aaj Se Tumhari Har Chij Main Istemaal Karunga,
Patni : Accha To Wo Plastic Wala Arraam Se Lena,
Bahut Badha Hai Tumhari G**Nd Fat Jayegi.
~~~~~
Shadi Ke Baad Suhagraat Ke Liye Pati Aur Uski Patnim,
Apne Kamre Mein Gaye, Patni Araam Se Bed Pe Baith Gayim
Aur Pati Cadbury Chocolate Apne Aujaar Par Lagane Lage,
Patni Ye Dekhkar Boli, “Kya Kar Rahe Ho?”
Pati : Subh Kaam Karne Se Pehle Kuch Meetha Ho Jaaye.
~~~~~
Ek Khubsurat Ladki Patli Gali Se Jaa Rahi Thi,
Raste Mein Ek Saand Khada Tha,
Usne Waha Khade Santa Se Pucha,
Bhaiye Ji Ye Sand Marta To Nahi Na,
Santa : Gaaye Ke To Marta H Aapki Pata Nahi,
Marega Ya Nahi.
~~~~~
Ek Aadmi Badhi Pareshani Ki Haalat Mein Office Se Ghar Gaya,
Wife : (Pyar Se) Suno Ji, Kal Mere B’day Pe Mujhe Saadi De Doge,
Pati Gusse Se : G**Nd Mara ?
Wife : Fir To Do Lungi.
~~~~~
Ek Sardar Apni Biwi Ke Liye Bra Kharidne Gaya,
Dukandar : Kya Size H Sardar Ji ?
Sardar : Assi Size To Laana Bhul Gaya,
Par Yu Samjo Pakdu To Anda Chodu To Omlette.
50+ Chutkule Hindi Me and Comedy Jokes
Pathan Suhagraat Par Bola, “Bahut Majar Aaya Begam”,
Badi Hifajat Se Sambhala Tha Aapne Isko,
Begam : Aapki Khatir Puri Jindagi G**Nd Marwa,
Ke Kaam Chalaya Hai.
~~~~~
Ek Shadi Shuda Insaan Ko Karne Ka Bada Mood Tha,
Wo Office Aate Waqt Ghar Pe C*Nd*M Le Aaya,
Tabhi Uski Biwi Ne Use Utha Ke Pucha “Ye Kitne Ka Hai”
Pati : 30 Ruppe Ke 3,
Patni : Oye Ram ! Mehangayi To Dekho Jab Main 8th Mein Thi To,
10 Ke 3 Aate The.
~~~~~
Teacher : Sabse Zyada Calcium Kiske Dudh Mein Hota Hai,
Santa : 18 Saal Ki Ladki Ke Dudh Mein,
Teacher : Wo Kaise Batao ?
Santa : Wo Dudu Peene Lagte Hi Jism Ke Jis Hisse,
Mein Haadi Nahi Hoti Usme Bhi Jaan Aa Jaati Hai.
~~~~~
Rajender : Guru Ji Aap Mujhe Sanskrit Sikha Do,
Guru Ji : Kyu Kya Karoge Iska,
Rajender : Ye Bhagwano Ki Bhasa H Swarg Mein Jaunga To Jarurat Padegi,
Guru Ji : Are Tum Nark Mein Gaye To,
Rajender : Aap Tnsn Na Lo Behan Ki Tatt, Punjabi To Aati Hi Hai.
~~~~~
Sonu : Tum Niche Ke Baal Kaise Saaf Karte Ho,
Monu : Razaor Se Aur Tum,
Sonu : Jarurat Hi Nahi,
Monu : Kyu ???
Sonu : Biwi Baat Hi Aisi Krti Jaante Sulag Jaati Hai.
Non Veg Hindi Joke Collection
Ladki : Kabhi Railway Track Nahi Dkehi Hai Kya,
Santa : Hmm Dekhi H Ji Bahut Dekhi Hai,
Hamara To Kaam Hi Inhe Dekhne Ka Hai,
Par Kasam Se Aise Breakar Kabhi Nahi Dekhe.
~~~~~
Banta : Chidambaram Ke Bajat Mein Kya Khaas Hai,
Santa : Isme G**Nd Bhi Apni Hai, Tel Bhi Apna Hai,
Bed Bhi Apna Hai, Aur G**Nd Mara Ke Jo Kamayenge Wo Sarkar Hai.
~~~~~
Ek Bona Suhagraat Ko Kamre Mein Aate Hi Biwi Se Bola,
Chal Ghodi Ban Jaa,
Biwi :- Ye Kon Sa Tareeka, Hai Ji,
Bona :- Pagli, Tareeka Nahi Hai, Kamre Ki Kundi Lagani Hai.
~~~~~
Bio Teacher : Penees Mein Haddi Hoti Hai,
Ladki : Ji Ha Ji ,
Santa : Nahi Hoti Sir, Inn Ladkio Ko Kya Pata,
Inhe To Hamesha Khada Hi Milta Hai.
~~~~~
Santa : Tumhare Kacche Mein Kitne Ched Hai,
Ladki : Behsaram Kahi Ke, Ek Bhi Nahi Hai,
Santa : Pagli Kahi Ki Fir Dono Taange Kaha Se Nikalti Ho.
Inn Ladkio Ki Soch Hi Itni Gandi Hai.
50 Cute Friendship Quotes in Hindi
Aurat Ke Do Karishme
1. Bina Ghaas Khaye Dudh Deti Hai,
2. L**Da Nahi Hota Fir Bhi Mardo Ki G*Nd Mar Leti Hai.
~~~~~
Pati: Office Se Lautkar Santa Ne Santo Se Kaha,
Main Cinema Ke Do Ticket Laya Hoon,
Patni : Oh, Yaani Main Taiyaar Ho Jaau Na,
Pati : Ha, Abhi Se Taiyaar Ho Jao, Raat Ko Maja Aayega,
Kyunki Ticket To Kal Sham Ki Hai.
~~~~~
Ek Raja Ki Rani Use Chodne Nahi Deti Thi,
To Raja Nadi Ke Kinare Jata Aur Batkh Se Kehta Hai,
Aao Batakh Pyari, Baitho Jaangh Par Hamari,
Khao Paan Supari,
Ek Din Rani Ne Use Batakh Ke Sath S*X Karte Dekh Liya To Rani,
Me Gusse Mein Batakh Ki G*And Mein Garam Sariya Daaal Diya,
Agle Din Fir Raja Aata Hai Aur Batakh Se Kehta Hai,
Aao Batakh Pyari, Baitho Jaangh Par Hamari, Khao Par Supari,
Tabhi Batakh Kehti Hai, Aayi Thi Raand Tumhari,
Jala Gayi G*And Hamari, Ma Ki Ch*T Tumhari,
Bhossde Mein Jaye Pan Supari.
~~~~~
Suahgraat Par Dulhe Ne Dulhan Ki Aankh Ko Chuma,
Dulhan : Yeh Kya Hai
Dulha : Aankhe Jindagi Ki Kitab Hoti Hai,
Dulhan : Niche Library Mein Aag Lagi Hai Aur Tu Kitab Mein Gusa Hai.
~~~~~
Unki Aankho Mein Aansu Aur Chehre Par Hasi Hai,
Wah, Wah, Wah, Wah,
Unki Aankho Mein Aansu Par Hasi Hai,
Aisa Lagta Hai Ki Unki Lulli Jip Mein Fasi Hai.
~~~~~
Ek Aadmi Dukandar Se : Ek White Color Ka Condom Dena,
Dukandar White Hi Kyu ?,
Aadmi : Padosan Ka Pati Mar Gaya Afsos Karne Jana Hai.
Non Veg Jokes and Dirty Chutkule
Dil Todne Ki Saja Nahi Milti,
Dil Tutne Ki Wajah Nahi Milti,
Maal To Bahut Fas Jaate Hai,
Mere Dosto,
Bas Unhe Thokne Ki Jagah Nahi Milti.
~~~~~
L**Nd Ki Awwaj Ko Dumdar Kehte Hai,
Fati Hui Choot Ko Bekar Kehte Hai,
Sirf Chodne Ka Naam Mohabbat Nahi Hota,
Kisi Ki Yaado Mein Muth Marne Ko Bhi Pyar Kehte Hai.
~~~~~
Aaj Uska Dil Fir Dukha Diya Humne,
Apne Pyar Ka Karj Chuka Diya Humne,
Dekar Lalch Use Kulfi Ka,
Andhere Me Apna Aujaar Chusa Diya Humne.
~~~~~
Seeex Karte Waqt Ladki Ko Hicki Aayi,
Pappu : Kya Hua,
Maine Bahut Jor Se Dala Kya ,
Ladki : Nahi Re Chutiya, Jaldi Kar Aur Logo Ka Time Ho Gaya H.
~~~~~
Wo Aaye Hamari Kabar Pe Chal Diye Mut Ke,
Chalo Isi Bahane Darshan Ho Gaye Choot Ke,
Hairless Thi Unki Chikni Choot,
Lekin Ab Kya Fayda Jab Hum Ban Gaye Bhoot.
48+ Friendship Day Messages for Girlfriend
Laalu Aur Rabdi Devi :- Tum Hume Sach Sach To Batao,
Tum Kitni Bar Humse Bewafaayi Ki Ho,
Rabdi :- Kul Teen Bar,
Laalu :- Kab Kab,
Rabdi :- Jab Apka Heart Ka Operation Hua To Doctor Ke Pas Gayi Thi,
Fir Jab Aap Band Hue To Judge Ke Pas Gayi Thi,
Laalu :- Thik Kia Fir Teesri Bar ?
Rabdi :- Jab Apko Sarkar Banana Tha To Apke Pas 76 MLA Kam The.
~~~~~
Chuchu Ki Maa Uske School Gayi,
Teacher – Ye Har Wakt Ladkion Ke Piche Pada Rehta Hai !
Maa- Bilkul Apne Baap Par Gaya Hai !
Teacher – Ye Kisi Ladki Ko Jab Bhi Akeli Paata Hai,
Use Jabardasti Pakad Leta Hai Aur Usko Chumne Lagta Hai !
Maa – Bilkul Apne Baap Par Gaya Hai,
Teacher -Ladkio Ke Liye To Ye Musibat Hai,
Iski Harkate Badhti Ja Rahi Hain.
Maa – Bilkul Apne Baap Par Gaya Hai,
Accha Hua Jo Mene Iske Baap Se Shadi Hi Nahi Ki !
~~~~~
Husband Aaj Raat Ka Kya Progrm Hai?
Wife : Munna So Jaye Phir.
Husband : Munna Abi Soya Nahi Hai?
Munna Bola : Maa Ki Izzat Khatre Mein Hai,
Neend Kaise Aayegi.
~~~~~
Santa : Veg Aur Non-Veg Me Kya Farak Hota H?
Banta : Film Dekhte Waqt Agar Aankh Me Pani Aaye To Veg,
Aur Agar Underwear Me Aaye To Non-Veg.
~~~~~
Santa Banta Kee Ghar Pehli Baar Aaya,
Yaar Tera Munda Ta Bilkul Tere Jaisa Lagda H,
Banta : Sale Dhire Bol,
Yeh Padosi Kaa Hai. Sabxi Lene Aaya Hai.
~~~~~
Santa : Tere Papa Doctor Hai And Tu Bimar Ho Gya,
Sharm Ki Baat Hai,
Banta : Sharm Ki Baat To Ye Hai Ki Tere Baap Condom,
Bechta Hai Or Tu Phir Bhi Paida Ho Gaya.
Joke of The Day for Adults
Suhaag Raat Ko Salim Ne Salma Ki Taangen Uthaayi,
To Wo Rone Lagi,
Salim : Kya Hua Salma ?
Salma : Kuch Nahi, Wo Javed Bhai Yaad Aa Gaye,
Unka Bhi Yahi Style Tha.
~~~~~
Mom : Ye Batao Hath Me Kitni Ungliyan Hoti Hai,
Banta : Ji 6.
Mom: Oye Pagal, Tujhe Kitni Bar Kaha H,
Ki Chaddi Me Hath Dalkar Mat Gina Kar.
~~~~~
Boy To Girl : Aaj Tumne Belt Gutno Par Kyu Bandhi H.
Girl: Maine Mom Se Promise Kiya Hai,
Ki Tumhe Belt Se Niche Touch Nahi Karne Dungi.
~~~~~
Wife : Mujhe Bra Chaiye Paise Do.
Husband : Itne Chote-Chote To H Bra Ki Kya Jarurat H,
Wife : Aapne Apne Liye Chaddi Li Tab Maine Kuch Bola Tha.
~~~~~
Kelewala : Kele, Le Lo Kele,
Madam : Bhaiya, Kele To Pilpile Hai. Kadak Aur Lambe Do,
Kelewala : Arey Madam,
Kabhi To Khane Ke Liye Liyaa Karo.
55+ Romantic Good Night SmS for Girlfriend
Pota – Dada Ji Ye Condom Kya Hota Hai,
Dada – Chal Bhag Mujhe Ni Pata,
Pota – Main Janta Tha Budhey Tujhey Pata Hota,
To Aaj Saari Jayedad Ke 9 Hisse Na Hote.
~~~~~
Newton, Einstein, Thomas Ka Favourite Song,
Baithe Baithe Kya Karein,
Karna Hai Kuch Kaand,
Chalo Banaye Formula,
Aur Maare Bacho Ki Ga*Nd.
~~~~~
HOT Wife Husband Ka L0ND Chum
Ke Boli
“Mere Lal,
Mera Sona,
Mera Babu,
Mera Bacha,
UTH Ja Na..”
Husband – Bhench0d Isko CH0T Me Dalna Hai Ya
School Me.
~~~~~
Sardar Se X Kar Raha Tha,
Galti Se Peechay Daal Diya,
Biwi : Oh Ji, Truck Galat Godaam Me Jaa Raha Hai.
Sardar, BhenchOd Ab Bata Rahi Hai,
Jb Maal Utaar Diya.
~~~~~
Boy : Phool Ho Gulaab Ka Jisme Kaate Na Ho,
Ladki Ho 16 Saal Ki Jisme Jhante Na Ho,
Girl : Gulab K Phool Mein Log Kaate Nahi Dekte,
Shot Marne Waale Kabhi Jante Nahi Dekte.
Santa Banta Non Veg Jokes
Boy : Bhai Sahab Ek Condom Dena,
Girlfriend Ko Gift Karna Hai,
Dukandar : Is Pe Gift Cover Chada Doon,
Boy : Yahi To Cover Hai Gift To Mere Pass Hai.
~~~~~
Ek Bus Me Ek Admi Or Uska 6 Saal Ka Beta Safar Kar Raha Tha,
Tabhi Stand Se Ek Ladki Bus Mein Chadi,
Or Uss Admi Ke Karib Ka Pipe Pakdhkar Khadi Ho Gayi,
Us Admi Ne Ek Najar Ladki Par Dali Or Fir Apne Goad Mein Baithe,
Bete Se Bola Chal Khada Hoja Dekhta Nahi Ladki Khadi Hai
~~~~~
Ek Mahila Ko Apni Jawan Naukarani Par Shak Hua,
Ki Uska Uske Dono Beto Me Se Kisi Ek Se Sambandh Hai.
Ek Din Usne Naukarani Se Puccha – Santro,
Mere Beto Me Se Tujhe Kisi Ek Sath Tafreeh Pe,
Jana Ho To Kiske Sath Jaogi ?
Mem Sahab – Maine Dono Ke Sath Tafreeh Ki Hai Koi,
Faisla Kar Pana Mushkil Hai,
Lekin Sahib Ke Sath Tafreeh Karne Ke Jo Maja,
Hai Wo Unme Se Kisi To Aa Hi Nahi Sakta.
~~~~~
Ek Ladki Jo Callgirl Thi Passport Ke Liye Form Bhar Rahi Thi,
Jisme Ki Usme Name Ke Age Apna Naam,
Pata Ke Age Apna Pata,
Sab Bharne Ke Baad,
Business Ke Coloum Par Wo Ruki Fir Usne Uske Age Likh,
Holesale Business.